Board Thread:Theories and Speculation/@comment-12509038-20150119062617/@comment-8284722-20150120163034

Nice story! I do have some changes though.

Kaguya: You forgot to give the Otsutsuki's alien origin. I may not want aliens in a series about ninjas, but if it's what happened in the actual series, what can you do? It's up to you to decide where they come from (The Moon? Mars? Another galaxy?) and how they got there. In this way, the Otsutsuki have always had their horns and pale skin. I'd also change Kaguya's thing about wanting to increase her power. If that's her desire, then all of the themes about creating world peace by destroying humanity go to waste, and really, that's what I've felt about Kaguya from Day One. If it were me, I would have changed it to Kaguya seeing that humans still have evil in their hearts. In the belief that nothing could ever change that darkness, and in fear that it may result in another war, Kaguya plans to replace humanity with White Zetsus, as she can control their every emotion. Additionally, she plans to take the chakra from humans so they may not have the ability to harm one another and use chakra as a weapon.

Hagoromo: This one is really good; I like it a lot. If I were you, though, I'd have a plot device about how the Byakugan got to Earth. I have one theory, but it might've been debunked. My theory was that Hamura soon becomes slightly corrupted by Kaguya's power, becoming arrogant and claiming he can see everything. He then decides to give some of Indra's followers the Byakugan, in the hopes of imposing some power on Earth, without Hagoromo or anyone else knowing. This results in the creation of the Main House of the Hyuga Clan. Hamura thus becomes a double agent, playing as Hagoromo's ally and acting on his own merits, up until his own death. Eventually the Main House becomes disillusioned with the ways of evil and joins Asura's allies. But by this time, some of Asura's followers have been able to copy the Byakugan's abilities and placed it into themselves, thus creating the Branch House. Enraged, the Main House overtook the Branch House in a war, then forced it's way into the ranks of Asura's followers. Although the rest of the world eventually comes to trust the Hyuga, they continue to be held to some degree of animosity and suspicion. The Main House, meanwhile, becomes suspicious themselves of the world around them, so they try to keep their Byakugan as secretive as possible.

Asura and Indra: I was actually hoping for Indra to suffer a bit of loss in order for him to parallel with Madara and Sasuke. If he's just going to defect out of jealousy, that seems improper. Sure Sasuke was jealous of Naruto, but he also lost his family. And Madara lost Izuna and several others. You also got the concept of reincarnation mixed up. It's been said in various chapters: Naruto isn't Asura, Hashirama, or any of the others. Sasuke isn't Indra, Madara, or any of the others. In fact, if the latter was true, how on Earth were Madara and Sasuke alive simultaneously?

Here's how I would approach the reincarnation thing. After Asura and Indra find themselves at a stalemate again, Asura tries one last time to redeem his brother. When Indra refuses, Asura still does not give up, and becomes even more determined to redeem Indra and his followers. He then decides to cast a jutsu that will reincarnate their will (not them themselves) for all eternity. In this way, Asura's and Indra's will will continue battling. Asura hopes that one day, two of their wills will be able to cooperate with each other, and then pass that on to their future generations. A similar analogy will be the Avatar, where the will and powers are reincarnated but each are completely different people. Indra questions how Asura can be so sure that the wills will not fight again, but Asura is fully aware of this, since there may never be true peace, and simply notes that if that were to happen, they will be able to understand each other again, and this cycle will keep happening until the end of time. Indra then states why Asura would go so far, and Asura states that he will do what he does because he never goes back on his word. The two brothers then die as a result of Asura's jutsu, and the reincarnation cycle begins. Following the first of the cooperations - Naruto and Sasuke - Asura learns from his father the jutsu he used to appear to Team 7 shortly after Kaguya's defeat. Realizing that he too must take action to keep peace going as long as possible, Asura casts the jutsu and appears before Naruto. Asura tells Naruto that the brothers may fight again, and tells him to spread as much peace and gain as many friends as possible to help the odds in the favor of love. Fully aware of the circumstances, Naruto agrees, and Asura promptly departs for the afterlife again in order to teach the jutsu to the other reincarnations of Asura, as well as Indra's one good reincarnation - Madara. However, Asura knows that one day, Indra himself may discover the jutsu as well, but when that day comes, he, Naruto, and everyone else will be ready to make a change.

As for the Uzumaki Clan, they are related through Hashirama and Mito, and the will of the Senju was passed down through the Uzumaki as a result.

Overall, great story! I'm even thinking about incorporating some of these ideas into my own thing. Speaking of which: have you read the script yet?