Rock Lee

is one of the main supporting characters of the series. He is a Chunin-level Shinobi of Konohagakure, and a Taijutsu user (specializing in the Strong Fist). Along with Neji and Tenten, Rock Lee is a member of Team Guy, under the leadership of their Jonin-sensei, Might Guy.

Personality and Background
Rock Lee is introduced as a taijutsu specialist, devoted to his taijutsu, and is mostly well-known for his extremely energetic, single-minded, and over-enthusiastic personality. Lee is also characterized as being the epitome of a 'nice guy', having assumed many of his sensei, Might Guy's, personality quirks. During a discussion between Rock Lee and Might Guy in Part I, it was mentioned that Guy once referred to Lee as "a genius of hard work", highlighting that Lee always puts his heart and soul into his training, and is rewarded for his efforts.

During one of Lee's brief appearances in the anime-only episode 158 ''Follow My Lead! The Great Survival Challenge'' in Part I, it was highlighted that Rock Lee can easily get carried away; when his three-man squad of Academy students addressed him as "Lee-sensei", Lee became so overjoyed that he burst into a dramatic rave, heading off into the wrong direction, forgetting that he was supposed to be leading his team on a mission exercise. During the anime-only 'Three-Tails Arrival' arc in Part II, Lee was described by Tenten as "just a work-out addict".

Although Lee did not start out this way, he has always been a hard-working and overly-persistent character. An example of this is when, during his time as a student in the Konoha Ninja Academy, Lee's stubborn attempts at learning to use, and failure to perform, basic level Ninjutsu and Genjutsu, were mocked by his fellow students. Apparently even most of his Chunin-sensei had no kind words to offer to him, with the possible exception of Iruka Umino. Rock Lee was labelled as "just another failure", and later the 'Dead-Last' of his graduating class.

Only in the area of taijutsu could Rock Lee make any progress, putting much effort and energy into it. In the end, Rock Lee became the only student in his graduating class, and the first student in the history of the Konoha Ninja Academy, to ever graduate using only taijutsu. Under the tutelage of his jonin-sensei, Might Guy (whom he always addresses and refers to as "Guy-sensei", and from whom Lee got his more extreme personality traits), Lee now focuses only on his taijutsu, specializing in the Strong Fist taijutsu style, and trained ardently to prove that, even without any ninjutsu or genjutsu in his repertoire, he too could become a "splendid ninja".

Lee has a number of other odd personality traits, though whether or not they are results of Guy's mentorship is unknown. One such trait is his apparent lack of common sense, believing at times that he can get what he wants by not wanting it. At other times, he takes copious notes, but forgets that he cannot check them during a fight. He also has a keen sense of honor, and respects his opponents, refusing to hold grudges against those who have defeated him, and returning favors to those that have helped him. This was shown by his readily befriending Gaara and forgiving him for crushing his arm and leg, thus hospitalising him. Lee feels others should show the same respect towards their opponents, and is disgusted whenever someone is unnecessarily cruel to their enemies.

Lee is known for speaking respectfully to others, being very proper in both English and Japanese language versions, and never using contractions or swearwords. He also uses formal Japanese, applying proper titles ("-san", "-kun", etc.) to anyone he meets. His relationship with Guy has also caused him to acquire many of Guy's traits; in addition to his personality, his dedication to his promises, as well as his belief that one cannot dislike food, are characteristics of Guy.

Lee's attempts to prove and better himself are recurring themes for his actions throughout the series. He is generally optimistic, and believes that, with hard work and passion, he can surpass a natural genius, but can be prone to depression when faced with setbacks. His drive to succeed was initially most evident with his rivalry with Neji Hyuga, having learned from Guy that having a rival will provide incentive to succeed. Neji, a "genius" ninja, found Lee's efforts of bettering himself to be in vain, believing Lee would be stuck as a "failure" for the rest of his life.

As such, Lee resolved to prove Neji wrong, and confronted another "genius", Sasuke Uchiha, in an attempt to test his worth. While Lee maintained the desire to defeat Neji in a fight throughout the Chunin Exam arc, after Neji's eventual defeat by Naruto Uzumaki, another so-called "failure", Lee became less interested in this goal. Neji's rejection of his previous belief in fate might also have contributed to this, as he now respects Lee, believing that he will surpass the gifted with enough work.

Shortly after his introduction, Lee revealed that he liked Sakura Haruno, asking her to be his girlfriend and vowing to protect her immediately after they met. While she did not seem to share these feelings for him, and considered him weird, Lee maintained these feelings, and went out of his way to help her throughout the Chunin Exams. Sakura becomes more appreciative after this, and punches Naruto whenever he insults Lee.

Despite this, Sakura does not seem to return any romantic feelings for Lee, as she refers to him with the more formal "Lee-san", as opposed to "Lee-kun". After the Exams' conclusion, Lee's interest in Sakura goes largely unaddressed. Despite this, when Naruto fought Lee in the 'Lee's Dojo' arc, he transformed into Sakura, causing Lee to forget about the fight long enough for Naruto to attack him. In Part II of the anime, he was especially pleased that Sakura was doing well against Sasori.

Appearance
Lee has a very unique appearance. Unlike most other characters in the series, Lee possesses very thick eyebrows (leading to the nickname "Bushy Brows" by Naruto) and large, perfectly round black eyes. During his academy days, Lee's hair was much longer and fastened in a braid, and his attire had more of a traditional Chinese appearance. After joining Might Guy's team, his appearance changed considerably to emulate his idol and sensei.

His hair was cut and styled into a shiny bowl-cut like Guy, and he also began wearing the same attire, consisting of a green jumpsuit, orange leg warmers, and wearing his red forehead protector as a belt. The only attire different Lee had to his sensei were the bandages he regularly wore around his hands and wrists, a trait that was due to his regular taijutsu training.

During Part II, his appearance has changed the least out of his friends. The most noticeable changes are that he has grown considerably taller, and wears a flak jacket to further emulate his sensei.

Chunin Exam arc
Having not been allowed to participate the year before, Team Guy took part in the Chunin Exams along with the Rookie Nine. They initially tried to avoid attention by acting weak, but Lee accidentally let slip his true strength by interfering with a fight between Sasuke and Kotetsu. Soon afterwards, he confronted Sasuke, challenging him to a fight to see how he fared against the Sharingan. Guy interrupted their fight, however, when Lee tried to use the Front Lotus, and Lee was forced to do laps around the village before he could proceed onto the first phase of the exams. With Tenten's help, he gained the answers for the written portion, and proceeded to the second round.

After spending their first few days in the Forest of Death gathering supplies, Team Guy split up in search of other teams. Lee came across Sakura being attacked by Team Dosu, and went to her aid. He used his Front Lotus on Dosu, but he survived the attack because of Zaku using his Decapitating Air Wave in the ground, and Lee was left unable to defend himself from a counterattack from Dosu. Neji and Tenten soon arrived to help, but didn't have to because Sasuke woke up, and once he recovered they moved onto the preliminaries.

In the preliminaries, Lee was matched against Gaara. When his standard attacks proved unable to bypass Gaara's defenses, he removed his ankle weights to increase his speed. When this too failed, he attempted the Forward Lotus, but Gaara was able to escape at the last minute. His options running out if he was to win and prove himself, Guy allowed him to use the Reverse Lotus. Gaara survived by turning his gourd to sand and cushion him, and the techniques took a massive toll on Lee's body. Gaara added to Lee's injury by crushing his left arm and leg. Though Guy intervened to stop Gaara from killing him, Lee got to his feet to continue the battle, despite being completely unconscious.

Because of his injuries, Medics predicted, that even if Lee recovered, his injuries would prevent him from ever being able to be a Shinobi again. He nevertheless tried to train while he was in the hospital, something that only worsened his condition. To try and cheer Lee up, Guy took him to watch the final round matches, but they were surprised when they arrived to find out that Neji had been defeated by Naruto. Envious of Naruto, Lee then watched Gaara's fight with Sasuke, and marvelled at how quickly he had learned to emulate Lee's speed. Before the fight could finish, however, the invasion of Konoha began, and Lee was knocked unconscious.

Sasuke Retrieval arc
Over the coming weeks, Guy tried a number of his own remedies to heal Lee. While Lee eagerly did anything he could in the hopes that it would allow him to be a ninja again, none of Guy's ideas helped him. It was not until news of Tsunade becoming Hokage reached them that they found hope. But, when she examined Lee, she informed him of the dire situation: his broken bones and torn muscles had, for the most part, healed, but fragments of bone had lodged in his spinal column, and removing them would involve an extensive operation that only she was capable of.

When Tsunade offered him an operation that carried a fifty percent chance of returning him to his former state, and a fifty percent chance of killing him, Lee was hesitant to accept the operation. While he couldn't stand the thought of not living as a ninja, he was scared by the possibility that he would die before he could fully prove himself. Guy deeply wanted Lee to take the surgery, telling him that, if Lee died, then so would he, as he had no reason to live if he couldn't help Lee achieve his dreams. Through Guy's encouragement and words of dedication to him, Lee went through with the operation and survived, causing his determination to strengthen.

Upon overhearing Naruto, Choji, Kiba, and Shikamaru talking about the mission to bring Sasuke back to Konoha, Lee suggested that Neji go with them. Lee was disappointed that he couldn't go with them, and soon afterwards had the surgery (in the anime, this took place before the retrieval team set out). He survived, and as soon he was able to walk again, he left the hospital to follow them and provide assistance. He caught up with Naruto, who was in the middle of a battle with Kimimaro, and told him to go after Sasuke while he dealt with Kimimaro.

At first they were both evenly matched, but after Lee drank some sake that he had mistaken for his medicine, he outclassed Kimimaro. After he took his "medicine", he began using the Drunken Fist, which he was described to be a natural-born master at. His moves became unpredictable, and he became much faster. Kimimaro was forced to use his cursed seal and his Kekkei Genkai, Shikotsumyaku, at the same time, thus overpowering Lee. When Lee finally awakened from his "daze", Lee didn't stand a chance, as Kimimaro used his bones to absorb the impact of the kicks. When Lee was about to be killed, Gaara showed up to save him. Gaara endured the fight, but then Kimimaro entered the Cursed Seal's Second State, and was about to kill them both. At the last moment, they were saved by Kimimaro's strange illness, which ended up killing him right before he could finish Rock Lee and Gaara off. Both ninja formed a friendly bond, and headed back to Konohagakure.

Curry of Life arc
Lee revealed that he once ran a marathon with Guy near the village of Katabame Kinzan shortly after being assigned to his team, and when he collapsed from exhaustion near the Curry of Life shop, the owner, Sansho, and her son Karashi fed him curry and saved his life. Lee's dedication caused Karashi to become enthusiastic, and he later left. A year later, when he came to the village with his teammates and Naruto to defeat the Kurosuki family, he found that Karashi had joined, and was upset that Karashi had sought strength in this way. He allowed Karashi to seek redemption, but Karashi used this opportunity to lure Lee's group into a trap after their first battle with Raiga. The trap failed due to Naruto's use of shadow clones, and while the villagers were willing to seek vengeance on Karashi, Lee stepped in, promising to take responsibility for Karashi's actions. Karashi used the opportunity to take Ranmaru to revive Raiga. Lee went to fight Raiga with Naruto and Neji, and was knocked out but brought back to consciousness with the Curry of Life. The curry, however, accidentally contained wine, and Lee was intoxicated. He fought Raiga, but was defeated, and Naruto finished Raiga off.

The Imposters arc
In a one-episode filler story, Guy and Lee left the village on a mission, and two spies tried to imitate them. Tsunade immediately saw through their disguise, and gave them various difficult, disgusting, or humiliating missions in order to keep them busy and prevent them from learning anything. They encountered the real Lee and Guy on the way out of the village and tried to attack, but were sent flying back to Konohagakure.

Hoshigakure arc
Lee accompanied Neji and Naruto on the mission to Hoshigakure, playing a lesser role than in previous arcs. He attempted to follow two of Akahoshi's men while hiding under a barrel, as Tenten suggested, but was discovered almost instantly. While trying to infiltrate Akahoshi's mansion, he pretended to use a jutsu known as "Wall-Removing Technique", but, in actuality, it involved him moving at high speed to open a door from the other side. He was wounded during the final battle with Akahoshi, leaving Naruto to fight him alone.

Lee's Dojo arc
Lee, seeing that he had little time to train with other people due to the many missions that must be done, sought a new means of training. He saw a man challenging a dojo, ready to take the sign if he won, and ready to join if he lost, and believed that a dojo would bring many strong opponents. When Naruto stumbled upon the dojo, Lee asked that he fight, but Naruto hastily left, late for reporting back to Tsunade. Guy heard about the dojo from Naruto, and decided to disguise himself in order to fight Lee. However, he was given a mission at the last second, and an impostor replaced him. Lee fought the impostor and easily defeated him, but Naruto believed that the impostor was Guy, and that he was not fighting at full strength in order to avoid revealing himself. Naruto fought Lee while the impostor transformed into Lee, but met the real Guy while trying to leave, and was easily defeated by him.

Third Great Beast arc
Lee's condition worsened, and Tsunade became concerned about him injuring himself again. She removed him from missions, but allowed him to keep training after he convinced her to do so. Around this time, Guy arrived with a new student, who easily defeated Lee and injured his ankle. While Lee was recovering, Guy took the new student with him on a mission, causing Lee to believe that he had abandoned him. It was then revealed that the new student was an impostor, and that he planned on seeking vengeance against Guy. Lee headed to Guy's location, but was trapped in a castle made out of sparring posts. He and Lee were tricked into fighting each other by seeing the other as a sparring dummy, but they saw through the technique and opened their chakra gates to destroy the dummies without harming the actual person, freeing themselves and destroying the castle.

Konoha 11 arc
Lee, despite having few special abilities, made some noteworthy contributions to the investigation. While he initially encouraged the academy students to keep practicing throwing kunai, once he realized that hitting the bull's eye would cause a chain reaction that would detonate explosives around Konoha, he caught a kunai in midair just before it hit the target, despite being far away from it. He defeated Gennou with his Taijutsu during the final confrontation.

Other arcs
In Episode 158; ''Follow My Lead! The Great Survival Challenge'', the Academy Students were divided into teams of three and were assigned to a genin who would lead them on a mission against the other teams. Lee was assigned to lead a team of three academy students; Chen, Samo and En. His time with them was not covered much except that he was doing better than Naruto: After fending off some 'bandits', one of Lee's charges addressed Lee as "Lee-Sensei" out of awe, and, overjoyed, Lee went off into one of his declarations into the sunset whilst his students tried to tell him that he was going the wrong way.

Naruto accompanied Sakura and Lee to escort Gantetsu. When the ship was sliced in half by a metal wire, Lee ended up with Sakura, and found the orphans Gantetsu had cared for. During the raid on the hideout, he fought the Shinobazu members outside.

In the final filler arc, Lee and Naruto helped Gaara fight and defeat an opponent who could absorb his enemies' chakra with his armor. He sparred with Tenten, who was upset over being the only member of the Konoha 11 left out of the mission despite having a mission at the time, and noted that, in order to be able to face Naruto when he returned, they too must become stronger.

Rescue Gaara arc
Team Kakashi was sent on a mission to rescue Gaara from Akatsuki. When Tsunade began to worry that they might have problems, she sent Team Guy as back-up. On their way to a rendezvous point, they were attacked by Kisame Hoshigaki. Kisame was quite angered that Guy didn't remember him from their fight in Part I. Kisame soon captured Lee, Neji, and Tenten, but by opening the sixth gate and using a move called Morning Peacock, Guy ended the fight quickly, and they moved on.

Even though they left a few days after Team Kakashi, they arrived a few minutes before Kakashi's team. The two squads found out that there was a barrier on the Akatsuki headquarters, something Team Guy volunteered to take down. They split up and removed seals spread out across the area, bringing down the barrier but triggering a trap: they were attacked by clones of themselves. When they were about to be defeated, Lee figured out how to beat the clones - by being stronger than when they met them. With that, they all made up a new technique, and defeated their clones. Team Guy reunited with Team Kakashi and, once Gaara was revived, they headed back home. As they left, Guy was carrying a wounded Kakashi piggyback-style. Lee, thinking it was training, told Neji to get on his back so that they might race back to Konoha, but was forcefully rejected.

Fire Temple arc
Unlike past fillers, Lee's appearance is in this one was very small. He first appeared shortly after Sora arrived in the village and began fighting with some of Lee's fellow graduates. Thinking it was a spirited sparring match, he joined in. Later, during Kazuma's invasion of Konoha, Lee helped defend the village from the zombies.

Three-Tails Arrival arc
Guy taught Tenten and Lee how to synchronize attacks, something that consisted of tying them together. This had little success. Soon afterwards, they were assigned to assist Team Yamato and Team Kurenai with sealing the Three-Tailed Beast. Lee was tasked with preventing any interference with the sealing, so confronted Guren's men when they arrived. Although they tried to use a smokescreen to blind him, Lee was able to use his heightened senses to seek them out and defeat them. He then faced Guren herself, but was unable to stop her from interrupting the sealing. Later, after learning that Naruto was trapped inside the Three-Tails, Lee was assigned as a guard against interference from saving Naruto and sealing the Three-Tails. Lee expressed his confidence that Naruto was alright, and his desire to have an all-out battle with Naruto one day. Later, Lee was surprised to find that Guren's men had returned for a second fight. Despite his passionate desire to fight, he and his team were defeated by the enemies' new-found might. Later, they later return to Konoha with the others.

Invasion of Pain arc
When Pain's invasion of Konoha began, Team Guy was away on a mission. During a pitstop on their return home, they noticed a number of birds apparently escaping from the village. They rushed to the village, and found it to be in ruins. They found Hinata Hyuga badly injured, and got her medical attention. Later, he is seen with the rest of the village celebrating Naruto's victory.

Summit of the Five Kages Arc
Lee is later seen with other Konoha 11 ninjas, where they talked about Sasuke being handled by them in order to avoid a war. After discussing about Sasuke, he departs with Sakura, Kiba, and Sai to the Land of Iron to meet Naruto. He is later seen, looking on in shock, then disappointment at Sakura's 'confession' to Naruto.

Abilities
Guy's leadership has influenced Lee's training habits, which, coupled with his hard-working resolve, has allowed Lee to rapidly improve. When making a promise, for example, Lee assigns himself arduous tasks to complete in the event that he doesn't live up to his expectations. When this promise is broken, usually just barely, he ends up training to prevent it from happening again.

Since Guy began training him, Lee has worn heavy weights on his ankles, increasing his strength at the cost of inhibiting his speed to levels that his peers still consider quite fast. Upon removing the weights, Lee's speed vastly increases, making it almost impossible to see his movements with the unaided eye. As such, the removal of his weights is a huge trump card for Lee, and, in most situations, doing so can all but guarantee victory.

Lee has trained so extensively he can run and even fight while unconscious, using nothing but pure muscle memory. A flashback during the 'Curry of Life' filler arc, in Part I, highlighted that Lee can run in his sleep, due to training from Guy. Lee, as a properly-trained ninja, is more highly aware of his surrounding through his senses then a regular person would be: Highlighted in the 'Three-Tails Arrival' arc, when he was blinded by Kigiri's Vanishing Smoke Prison Technique, Lee called on his training from Might Guy to be able to home in on Kihō through his 'spirit sensor'--which he had developed through "unceasing diligence and determination".

Taijutsu
Lee has no talent for ninjutsu or genjutsu, leaving him unable to use them. Because this would ordinarily make life as a ninja impossible, Lee's dream is to become a famous ninja who uses only taijutsu, despite having had very little talent for this, as well. Guy has specially trained him to reach this goal, teaching him a number of forbidden techniques in the process. The most basic of these is his Strong Fist style of combat, a martial art style focusing on external damage. In doing so, Lee has become a taijutsu master, as he has only trained in that form and has therefore almost perfected it. His speed and prowess surpass those of more experienced ninja, and it is only in unique circumstances that his taijutsu is not enough to defeat an opponent. During Lee's fight with Kimimaro in Part I, before Lee accidentally drank sake instead of his medicine, and slipped into Drunken Fist. After Lee slipped into Drunken Fist, Kimimaro noted that Lee's attack form was "too angular".

Eight Inner Gates
Through Guy's teachings, Lee has learned how to open the first five of eight chakra gates, a feat that is difficult for even the most talented ninja. Because of the danger to his body that the gates' power presents, Lee is only permitted to open them in certain circumstances (such as life-or-death situations, protecting someone dear, or defending his way of the ninja)Most humans can only access less than 20% of their muscle potential but the eight gates uses chakra to "force" the muscles to work at much more power than they normally do, allowing the user to run at phenomenal speeds, pick up enormous weights, and much more at the expense of the muscles themselves. Near 50%, the muscles start to wear down and tear. Much more than that, approaching 100%, the muscles begin to break down and disintegrate. Once the Eighth Gate has been opened, they are practically unstoppable, but they die in the process. Lee has also learned or developed a number of taijutsu that take advantage of the extreme power and speed he gains from opening chakra gates. In Part II, he seems to be able to recover from using the chakra gates quickly as he was not injured after using it, but was very exhausted.

Drunken Fist
Lee has manifested a natural predisposition towards the Drunken Fist. When he drinks as little as one drop of alcohol, he becomes an unpredictable and unstoppable force of destruction and chaos. His actions while drunk are usually a combination of misguided attempts to impress Guy, regardless of whether or not Guy is around, and he drunkenly attacks any friend or foe that is near him. Guy explained that, after Lee accidentally drank a small amount of sake, he proceeded to demolish the bar they were in, and it took the combined efforts of Guy and Neji to hold him down without harming him. To help him take advantage of the Drunken Fist, Guy gave Lee a number of alcoholic chocolates in Naruto: Shippūden the Movie to use in a "dire pinch", telling him that it was for opening the sixth chakra gate.

Guardians of the Crescent Moon Kingdom
Lee was acting as the third member of Team 7. During his battle with Kongō, Lee showed proficiency with nunchaku and a bo, both of which were made from his ankle weights.

Naruto: Shippūden the Movie
He became as Sasuke's replacement, Neji being Kakashi's replacement. Once initiating the Drunken Fist, he easily defeated Gitai. Later, he was able to kill Setsuna after Neji was able to get rid of the group's chakra source.

Other media
Rock Lee is a playable character in all of the Naruto games.

Creation and conception
According to an interview with Masashi Kishimoto in Shōnen Jump's 'Naruto Anime Profiles Episodes 1-37', Lee is his most fun character to draw. He also has stated that Sakura Haruno and Lee were meant to symbolize human weakness, at least in the beginning.

Trivia

 * Rock Lee was the first person to ever hurt Gaara in a battle. Then Naruto was the second, while saving Lee at the hospital when Shikamaru used his Shadow Imitation Technique.
 * Like his sensei, Rock Lee's character seems to be inspired by Bruce Lee, as shown from his name and having the same birthday. Additionally, Bruce Lee once received the same type of injury as Rock Lee did in the Chunin Exams against Gaara, and he was also never expected to walk, much less fight again.
 * Rock Lee placed very high in the first four Naruto character popularity polls. He finished 5th in the first and second polls, 8th in the third poll and 7th in the fourth poll. But his popularity slipped in the last two polls, finishing 13th in the fifth poll and 18th in the sixth and most recent. In the 3rd Databook, a combination of the previous six polls ranked him as the 9th most popular character overall.
 * According to the Naruto databook:
 * Rock Lee's hobbies are his and Might Guy's intense taijutsu training regimes.
 * Lee wishes for rematches with Neji, Sasuke and Gaara, and for an all-out match with Naruto. He also wishes for a date with Sakura.
 * Lee's favorite food's are medium spicy curry rice and curry pilaf, though, like his sensei, he finds it impossible to dislike any sort food.
 * Lee's registration number is 012561.
 * Lee has completed 61 official missions in total: 25 D-rank, 21 C-rank, 4 B-rank, 10 A-rank, 1 S-rank.
 * Rock Lee's favorite phrase is "Springtime of Youth".

Quotes

 * (To Sakura) "Sakura, please go out with me! I'll protect you with my life!"
 * "Guy-sensei is the coolest! He practically GLOWS with cool!"
 * (To Kimimaro) "I am the Handsome Devil of the Hidden Leaf Village! My name is Rock Lee!"
 * "If I can't do 400 push-ups, I'll hit the dummy 800 times! If I can't hit the dummy 800 times, I'll do 2000 jump ropes!"
 * (To Neji) "Neji, I was saving this technique for you! But I'll give you a sneak peek!"
 * (To Might Guy) "A rock thrown at a pole will not hit, but if one does not aim at the pole, it will hit! That is the law I used!"
 * (To Might Guy) "I want to show I can be a splendid ninja as well even if I don't have ninjutsu or genjutsu ... I want to prove it to the whole world!"
 * (To Tenten) "''A genius, huh? What does that mean? 'Genius'? So I was not born with a whole lot of natural talent, not gifted like Neji ... but I work hard and I never give up! That is my gift; that is my ninja way!"
 * "Why wasn't I invited to the 'meeting of fists under a sunset sky to develop the friendship of men?!'"