Board Thread:Naruto Discussions/@comment-8284722-20141222195100/@comment-26006790-20141231053450

Well done on the script Gemnist. It's well written! I'm not critizing your writing skills. But I have a few recommendations. Would Hirzuen call anyone "a piece of"? I'd rather think he would confront Orochimaru saying something like "I feared that no one would arise with the power to put a end to your madness, your life means despair for the leaf so I'm going to settle this for the sake of the ninja world" Everything else is good but I don't think Orochimaru was that passionate of becoming Hokage. He just needed the title so he can pass through more easily. But now he has no use for it. Unless you put that there for other purposes which is fine. And a nit pick, I'm sure Baki would say village not city. Further more, Sasuke needs to say coward as singular. Gaara is his only target. The North gate commander has nice dialogue but try to have him explain more about Orochimaru's experiments and his goal of the perfect vessel not just immortality. Chapter 116 is fine after those minor bugs. For chapter 117. Remember Sakura was more shock of a talking dog. Add the Gemnist twist to that. Let Pakkun say something around the lines of him being scared that the leaf will be doomed with this breed of ninjas. Or have him critize Shikamaru's nido.